uwmcscott wrote: ↑Mon Apr 17, 2023 3:52 pm
I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. What ever happened to the potential move up to Lake Geneva?
@Mossman - I know it's not quite the same thing, but I went through a period in my life when I lived alone and had very little, and in a very remote location. Albeit I had a permanent address, but my nearest neighbors were all of the non-human persuasion. Back in those days I used liquid courage to keep sane, but even that ended up turning on me. Have you ever heard the saying "wherever you go, there you are?". You are a resourceful, strong willed guy and my prediction is that you will be better/stronger having lived through your current situation. Peace to you and mojo for this to be a chapter in your life to write about later.
Thanks for your words of encouragement. That means a lot to me. But don't worry, I'm not terribly morose about my situation. This too will pass. My biggest regret is that I stayed here too long. I should have blasted out of this God-forsaken place as soon my last relationship ended (the whole reason why I was here in the first place), but after it was over, I kinda got stuck in a holding pattern... I wasn't depressed, or heartbroken, or anything (I was actually relieved when it was over), but I felt deflated. I was just going through the motions, day after day. Go to work, go home, play/work on guitars, etc. It's like I've been sleep-walking through the last few years. I didn't know where I wanted to be, and I didn't have any money to get there if I did. This is an expensive place to live, and I don't make a lot of money (I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, either
), and while I wouldn't say I was struggling to pay the rent, or anything, I only ever had "enough" to be comfortable, and reasonably content. That's a dangerous place to be. It makes you complacent, and more inclined to maintain the status quo, rather than actually
do something to change your situation. All of my life, I've been adventurous. I've lived and travelled all over the country, and I never turned down an opportunity for adventure (or created my own), but this time... I lost my spirit. I got trapped in a self-imposed state of inertia. Just waiting for something to happen, rather than
making something happen.
I've had my share of "hermitages" in the wilderness too, but believe me, you can be just as lonely in a city. I used to think that loneliness didn't affect me. That was for
other people. I've always been comfortable in my own company, and I value my solitude, but these last few years have been rough on that front. I've had absolutely zero social life, and I've never had a harder time making friends as I have here. I'm a pretty gregarious guy, and I've never had trouble in that arena anywhere else I've been, but the people here are
diferrent. I hate to paint with a broad brush (and I know it's already a stereotype), but most of the folks I've met out here have been self-involved flakes, and I don't really have many options for social interaction. I don't drink anymore, so going to bars is out (there's surprisingly very few bars here, anyway), and the San Fernando Valley is a cultural black hole. There's no live music, or events, or even interesting places to go where you
might meet people you have something in common with. There's nothing but businesses, and 7-11s, and shopping centers, and fast food restaurants as far as they eye can see... When I first moved here, I used to get lost a lot, because EVERYTHING LOOKS THE SAME. There's no distinguishing features in the landscape to give you a sense of where you are. Just a continuous expanse of grey, urban ugliness everywhere you go... with palm trees.
But I'll be leaving here in a couple of months. I'm going to go bum around Flagstaff while the weather is good. It doesn't make a lick of logical sense, financially speaking (Flagstaff has a high cost of living too), but the years I lived there were the happiest of my life, and I've missed that place ever since I left 20 years ago (gawd, it
really doesn't feel like that long). I don't know if I'm going to stay there, but I need to be somewhere where I can breathe, and feel at ease... get centered. I know the town won't be the same, but there's something about that whole part of Arizona that makes me feel at peace. Like I belong there. I don't have as much money as I had expected to (I had to have some major dental work done, which put a big dent in my savings), but I'll have enough to coast for a little while and figure things out. If I keep using money as an excuse not to leave this dump, I never will.
