Be careful what you wish for

[honyock]

My wife was always jealous of how much my dogs loved me.

We waited over a year to get another dog for the family after my Otto had died, and rescued a 5 month old mutt.

Very cute, well behaved, smart as a whip.

He just will not get over having to share the house with me, going on 6 months now. I can't train him because he is so afraid/nervous around me, wife won't train him because she works even though it is in the house due to COVID, so he is like a standoffish roommate that I have to feed and pickup after.

I can't pet him or get any of the relaxing benefits that my dogs used to provide because he is so nervous and won't even come near me, running as fast as he can past me as he goes through the sliding door in or out.

I have tried everything in my power to get him to relax around me even going so far as to ignore him for a while as some suggest, nothing I have read offers even a bit of improvement, some large man totally ruined this dog's life between the time he was born and when we got him in May and he just can't get past it.

I have never in my life had a dog not like me, and it will be the last rescue we get based on this experience. I will go back to puppies only.

It is seriously sad because he is such a smart good dog when I am not home according to my wife (other than being a chewer of Barbie doll hands and the occasional stuffed animal my daughters leave out).

[ID10t]

I'm not a dog person, not anti-dog, just the last dog that owned me was tough when she died and then I spent a number of years going into strangers houses and taking the dogs pet humans away to a hospital and they did not like me. Anyway, have you tried the "be the alpha dog" thing or the show him your belly and be submissive to him thing? As a kid we rescued a dog who showed up in our back yard and it took YEARS for him to be kinda normal.

[uwmcscott]

Sorry to hear that. I'm not really a dog person myself at all, but hoping some of the other dog owners here might have some advice to help you with the situation. I would like to think that you can indeed still teach him/train him, maybe he's still getting over whatever happened to him in his previous life.

[Mossman]

It may just take more time... Psychological/emotional trauma is hard to overcome, but eventually, through your behavior, he'll come to realize that you don't mean him any harm and he'll relax around you. He may always be a little jumpy, or skittish, though.

[OMB]

Regaining a dog's trust once broken can present quite the challenge. You need to work with your wife initially and use a lot of praise. SHE should call him over or have him sit or lay down only when you are with her. If the dog is food driven then you should (not your wife) reward the dog with small treats. You should also be the one that feeds him. Maybe feed the dog meals multiple times small amounts as he comes closer to you. Also if he loves taking walks make sure your wife is there initially and eventually just you and the dog. It is a slow process. IT is a PIA sometimes but it can be done. I hope I do not come across as preachy but I trained hunting dogs for years and have had to deal with a lot of traumas and bad habits.

It can be done. Good Luck!

[honyock]

Regaining a dog's trust once broken can present quite the challenge. You need to work with your wife initially and use a lot of praise. SHE should call him over or have him sit or lay down only when you are with her. If the dog is food driven then you should (not your wife) reward the dog with small treats. You should also be the one that feeds him. Maybe feed the dog meals multiple times small amounts as he comes closer to you. Also if he loves taking walks make sure your wife is there initially and eventually just you and the dog. It is a slow process. IT is a PIA sometimes but it can be done. I hope I do not come across as preachy but I trained hunting dogs for years and have had to deal with a lot of traumas and bad habits.

It can be done. Good Luck!

Been doing all feeds whole time we've had him, not a bit of difference.

He won't come if he sees me, or takes off as soon as I am in the room. He has a fear if me like I have never seen in an animal, just freezes up if ever flight isn't an option. Hides under our kitchen table almost the entire time I am home, or constantly paces if I pull the chairs out so he can't hide. Occasionally he will sneak out if he doesn't hear or see me, then it is back to his "safe space" if he does.

He could give a crap about treats unfortunately. I've tried multiple kinds.

We can't even put on a leash to try walking him. He freaks out as soon as anyone touches his collar, let alone me. (That was a lesson I learned quick when I had tried to get a leash on him when he first joined the family). Tried harnesses and he will not stop until he gets it off chewing it off as soon as he can.

He also likes my mom, so women he is cool with.

[Partscaster]

He was possibly abused by someone male, your size, etc before you got him. Its not your fault, of course. And its likely based on a real experience he had.
I'ld try feeding him beef treats out of the hand, hold onto beefy treat and make him lick it a few times in your hand while perhaps first doing nothing else. Might take weeks. Slowly over the course of days I'ld try to introduce the other hand in just touching him while he licks treat and then gets it to swallow. Then, in days, a slow pat with non-treat hand, etc. Real beef...not some bonemeal biscuit.

[PoodlesAgain]

Somewhat is same boat.. adopted a 5-year old Shih Tzu mid-August and he is only warming up to me very slowly.
Bonded immediately with my wife, and shows lots of separation anxiety -- the Vic Firth headset protection is finally paying off!

Actually he is making progress, and can be sweet at the right moments. A local behaviourist says a lot has to do with fear, so trying to gradually make that go away.

[mickey]

My beloved Zelda came from the Humane Society in 2009. Her first people was a female Air Farce officer who got orders for somewhere Zelda could not go
when Zelda was about 6 months old. She has always warmed up to women and standoffish towards men even to this day. Since my wife died in 2017 she
has gotten less standoffish towards me. But I think she would go home with any woman who has ever been here if she could. Not that she would run away or anything.
She will never be as loving around men as she is around women. Do I have a lesbian puppy dawg?

[aullucci]

He was possibly abused by someone male, your size, etc before you got him. Its not your fault, of course. And its likely based on a real experience he had.
I'ld try feeding him beef treats out of the hand, hold onto beefy treat and make him lick it a few times in your hand while perhaps first doing nothing else. Might take weeks. Slowly over the course of days I'ld try to introduce the other hand in just touching him while he licks treat and then gets it to swallow. Then, in days, a slow pat with non-treat hand, etc. Real beef...not some bonemeal biscuit.

I was going to say something very similar. Some rescues can be really tough. I will say, when he does come around, he will be even closer to you. Patience is key

[honyock]

One funny thing that makes my wife love him even more is how he treats our babysitter. My wife really wants to fire her since she started working from home, but had resisted since we hate change and having a person come to the house is preferred to using a daycare.

[OMB]

Possibly a second dog that likes men? She will see that you are not a monster. Strays and super shy dogs sometimes get past some of their fears if there is another dog in the pack. They see that the friendly dog experiences no danger or punishment and slowly might come around. Or you will have 2 dogs that hate you...

[honyock]

Possibly a second dog that likes men? She will see that you are not a monster. Strays and super shy dogs sometimes get past some of their fears if there is another dog in the pack. They see that the friendly dog experiences no danger or punishment and slowly might come around. Or you will have 2 dogs that hate you...

That was the next step, but we need to get him leash trained. Also need to find the right kind of girl dog since male/male doesn't seem to work as well in my experience. Possibly a bullmastiff or pitbull mix like our previous pair were.

They were the biggest sweethearts.

[uwmcscott]

Possibly a second dog that likes men? She will see that you are not a monster. Strays and super shy dogs sometimes get past some of their fears if there is another dog in the pack. They see that the friendly dog experiences no danger or punishment and slowly might come around. Or you will have 2 dogs that hate you...

That was the next step, but we need to get him leash trained. Also need to find the right kind of girl dog since male/male doesn't seem to work as well in my experience. Possibly a bullmastiff or pitbull mix like our previous pair were.

They were the biggest sweethearts.

I can tell you from experience that while this seems difficult now, it's great training for when your daughter becomes a teenager

[honyock]

Oddly, today he is all of a sudden deciding that he is not quite as scared, he actually sniffed my butt while I was putting the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving DVD in.

I asked me wife, "is someone sniffing my ass"

She giggled and said yes.

He also walked into the kitchen because of the delicious food, and didn't run out immediately when my gaze met his.

[mickey]

Perhaps you are not an ogre?

[fatjack]

Sounds like the fear is losing out to curiosity about the food giver . It took a year for my brothers wife's maltese rescue to not pee the floor if he looked at her.

[PoodlesAgain]

Somewhat is same boat.. adopted a 5-year old Shih Tzu mid-August and he is only warming up to me very slowly.
Bonded immediately with my wife, and shows lots of separation anxiety -- the Vic Firth headset protection is finally paying off!

Actually he is making progress, and can be sweet at the right moments. A local behaviourist says a lot has to do with fear, so trying to gradually make that go away.

posting again to add that, FYI, our dog was prescribed the antidepressant paxil, and is gradually doing quite a bit better that early in getting the drug! It seems to be in common use by vets, and inexpensive.