As the band turns. Share your band drama here

[nomadh]

Thought it would be fun to commiserate our band soap opera stories. Heres my latest
Well another one bites the dust.
A month or 2 ago I CL a singer who wants to do more 90s stuff. He likes the rhcp stuff I've worked out but cant sing or cant while playing. Hes cross county so dont usually bother but this was a special project with very targeted songs so I give it a go. He sounds pretty good, we get along, he likes my stuff so we hit the open mic. It was supposed to be just us but my previous bass and drums jump in. These aren't jam sings but we give it a go. Its messy but people like it and the bass wants in on the project. I ask the singer if we want to make this a band as he has to travel so much. Hes enthusiastic. Says he's has to travel all over for his job anyway. Oh and his new baby shouldn't be a problem. So we start adding 90s songs, bush stp 7mary3 fill in with bulk like stones and petty. Try a drummer, then another then another. Do another open mic and I pick a drummer out I thought would be more compatible. He does ok and is interested in joining up. We do our first full band rehersal and it's really pretty solid for more complex songs that we all know but have never been able to play with anyone else. Almost imm8diently we have schedule problems,time limits, then a dog dies, oh and the drummer has a blood virus because he has leukemia? Getting answers is like pulling teeth. Finally 2 weeks ago I push hard and the singer says hes out. To much travel and too much baby. so I move forward w me singing as a fill in. I cant even remember what drummer we had that week!?!??
So now Bass player knows a hotshot ex rocker who's doing country now and sings so we pull him in. Drummer wont confirm or deny until 1pm that day for a 4pm practice where he declines. I already had a prior prior drummer who was hot to play. So I had already invited him. He has bad arthritis and can only play 2 hours. So we keep playing drummerless.
I'm giving this a shot as it was fun and we got along but not a ton of overlap in songs. Could be good long term and we adapted to each other well and we liked alot of the others songs we each didnt know. Still dont know what to do about a drummer.

[Tonray's Ghost]

Taking a wrong turn around a barricade when visiting friends in Haddonfield NJ on the 4th of July many moons ago, I found myself smack in the middle of the July 4th parade as the band headed up Main Street. I was in my old '66 Mustang and most onlookers thought I was part of the parade. The Guy with the Tuba knew better and rushed my car full speed like a maniac. I turned off into a side street barely escaping a mad Tuba player. BTW this is a true story..turns out my friends were down the street a bit watching the parade and later when I finally arrived at their house, they told the story of what they thought was a crazy guy who drove his car into the parade but were too far back to actually know it was me. Ha ha hse..and this was before any beer.

[toomanycats]

It all sounds familiar to me. There's definitely been some drama with my band situation(s) of late.

Over the last few months there was a major shake up that occurred in what had been my "main thing." A long time member quit, after which the band immediately reformed and relaunched. That thing crashed upon on take-off, with our long time bass player quitting after the first gig. We've soldiered on with a series of substitute members for the last half dozen gigs. Our shows have taken on almost a jam night feel, though I mean this in a good way, as we've been fortunate to attract very good players to fill the breach. We just auditioned another bass player last night and I really liked this guy's steadiness and tone.

For my part, I've figured out what I had to do about the fact that I'm more serious than everyone else I'm playing with, and the solution was to be in five bands. It can be a bit of a juggling act, but now I never worry about sitting idle, not having any gigs booked, or not having fresh new material to learn. I'm happy when I'm gigging most every night, and I'm fortunate that my particular situation affords me that freedom.

I'm familiar with the things @nomadh mentions that interfere with band members being committed and serious. Jobs, family, and so on can place restrictions on most anybody. But when playing with boomers a whole other set of obstacles has to be hurdled. Now please don't anybody here get mad at me for the mini rant I'm about to unleash, because I love you boomers, most all my idols come from your generation, and many a time I've sung your high praises on this very forum. It's just a fact that most of my band drama and gripes about particular people I play with have to do with them doing typical aging boomer stuff.

For instance . . .

What is this preoccupation with eating food during a show? I recently played with a guy who ordered a pizza before the first set, then two songs in stopped the show, walked off the stage, and took ten minutes to eat it while everyone waited.

I don't need to know about your prostate, ever. Too much information.

Instead of telling me about all your grandkids, how about showing me that you've got down all the songs we agreed to learn.

"What?" "Huh?' "What?" . . . Will you please turn up your hearing aid grandpa, I'm trying to talk to you.

If it is at all possible, please don't act like you're dozing off during a song, with eyes closed, head lolling, body slumped. You've got to be careful if you let them sit in a chair, because it's like putting a baby in a rocker.

God do I hate the binders and cue cards. Can't you remember the lyrics to "Hey Joe"? I mean, you've only sung it 2,764 times in your life.

Like I said, please don't be mad, I love you guys, I know that every day I get one step closer to being "old" myself . . . but I'm just saying.

[Chocol8]

TMC, the only issue I have with your rant is I see it happening to us Gen Xers in a couple decades!

[nomadh]

As an aside I just saw a post about finding a twang valve jr
https://www.facebook.com/groups/58648221350/

[nomadh]

It all sounds familiar to me. There's definitely been some drama with my band situation(s) of late.

Over the last few months there was a major shake up that occurred in what had been my "main thing." A long time member quit, after which the band immediately reformed and relaunched. That thing crashed upon on take-off, with our long time bass player quitting after the first gig. We've soldiered on with a series of substitute members for the last half dozen gigs. Our shows have taken on almost a jam night feel, though I mean this in a good way, as we've been fortunate to attract very good players to fill the breach. We just auditioned another bass player last night and I really liked this guy's steadiness and tone.

For my part, I've figured out what I had to do about the fact that I'm more serious than everyone else I'm playing with, and the solution was to be in five bands. It can be a bit of a juggling act, but now I never worry about sitting idle, not having any gigs booked, or not having fresh new material to learn. I'm happy when I'm gigging most every night, and I'm fortunate that my particular situation affords me that freedom.

I'm familiar with the things @nomadh mentions that interfere with band members being committed and serious. Jobs, family, and so on can place restrictions on most anybody. But when playing with boomers a whole other set of obstacles has to be hurdled. Now please don't anybody here get mad at me for the mini rant I'm about to unleash, because I love you boomers, most all my idols come from your generation, and many a time I've sung your high praises on this very forum. It's just a fact that most of my band drama and gripes about particular people I play with have to do with them doing typical aging boomer stuff.

For instance . . .

What is this preoccupation with eating food during a show? I recently played with a guy who ordered a pizza before the first set, then two songs in stopped the show, walked off the stage, and took ten minutes to eat it while everyone waited.

I don't need to know about your prostate, ever. Too much information.

Instead of telling me about all your grandkids, how about showing me that you've got down all the songs we agreed to learn.

"What?" "Huh?' "What?" . . . Will you please turn up your hearing aid grandpa, I'm trying to talk to you.

If it is at all possible, please don't act like you're dozing off during a song, with eyes closed, head lolling, body slumped. You've got to be careful if you let them sit in a chair, because it's like putting a baby in a rocker.

God do I hate the binders and cue cards. Can't you remember the lyrics to "Hey Joe"? I mean, you've only sung it 2,764 times in your life.

Like I said, please don't be mad, I love you guys, I know that every day I get one step closer to being "old" myself . . . but I'm just saying.

Don't get too cocky. Your day is coming. How do your feet feel after a 4 hr gig now?
And what about the millenials vaping all the time. Committed to the band until they get a girlfriend and start getting laid. Then having babies??
WTF?

[toomanycats]

It all sounds familiar to me. There's definitely been some drama with my band situation(s) of late.

Over the last few months there was a major shake up that occurred in what had been my "main thing." A long time member quit, after which the band immediately reformed and relaunched. That thing crashed upon on take-off, with our long time bass player quitting after the first gig. We've soldiered on with a series of substitute members for the last half dozen gigs. Our shows have taken on almost a jam night feel, though I mean this in a good way, as we've been fortunate to attract very good players to fill the breach. We just auditioned another bass player last night and I really liked this guy's steadiness and tone.

For my part, I've figured out what I had to do about the fact that I'm more serious than everyone else I'm playing with, and the solution was to be in five bands. It can be a bit of a juggling act, but now I never worry about sitting idle, not having any gigs booked, or not having fresh new material to learn. I'm happy when I'm gigging most every night, and I'm fortunate that my particular situation affords me that freedom.

I'm familiar with the things @nomadh mentions that interfere with band members being committed and serious. Jobs, family, and so on can place restrictions on most anybody. But when playing with boomers a whole other set of obstacles has to be hurdled. Now please don't anybody here get mad at me for the mini rant I'm about to unleash, because I love you boomers, most all my idols come from your generation, and many a time I've sung your high praises on this very forum. It's just a fact that most of my band drama and gripes about particular people I play with have to do with them doing typical aging boomer stuff.

For instance . . .

What is this preoccupation with eating food during a show? I recently played with a guy who ordered a pizza before the first set, then two songs in stopped the show, walked off the stage, and took ten minutes to eat it while everyone waited.

I don't need to know about your prostate, ever. Too much information.

Instead of telling me about all your grandkids, how about showing me that you've got down all the songs we agreed to learn.

"What?" "Huh?' "What?" . . . Will you please turn up your hearing aid grandpa, I'm trying to talk to you.

If it is at all possible, please don't act like you're dozing off during a song, with eyes closed, head lolling, body slumped. You've got to be careful if you let them sit in a chair, because it's like putting a baby in a rocker.

God do I hate the binders and cue cards. Can't you remember the lyrics to "Hey Joe"? I mean, you've only sung it 2,764 times in your life.

Like I said, please don't be mad, I love you guys, I know that every day I get one step closer to being "old" myself . . . but I'm just saying.

Don't get too cocky. Your day is coming. How do your feet feel after a 4 hr gig now?
And what about the millenials vaping all the time. Committed to the band until they get a girlfriend and start getting laid. Then having babies??
WTF?

I hear ya, I'm no spring chicken myself and getting more overripe by the day. As far as how I feel after a long gig, what I'm usually thinking is, "Damn, if I get home by 1 AM it'll take me an hour to scoop the litter boxes and then I can be in bed by 2 AM."

What really burns me up is people who know they can't cut it anymore, but they linger and gum up the works because they don't want anybody to do better than them. It's a stubborn old man ego thing that I hope I never fall prey to. The perfect analogy is the senior dude cruising down the freeway in the passing lane below the speed limit, a parade of cars lined up behind him, yet he obstinately refuses to get into the right lane and let those who want to boogie on down the road get past him. Lot's of older dudes in bands operating just like that. It's good to know when to exit gracefully.

[Mossman]

Man, after 40, I have not had ANY luck putting a band together that lasted more than one gig. Mostly due to the things that were mentioned earlier. Kids, commitments, job, ailments.

The last band I was in a few years ago was with three other guys. The drummer was a little younger than me. One of the guitarists was about my age, and the other one was a little older (I played bass). We were together for about 4 months. Three months of rehearsals and getting our shit together, which culminated in our first and only gig. Then the band started falling apart.

First, one of the guitarists left shortly after that gig (the one who was my age), citing family obligations, and I think he said something about playing in his son's band. We took that in stride (and the guy was kind of a dick), and we decided to soldier on as a trio. We soon found it was difficult to do a lot of our repertoire with only one guitar, and started working up a new set list, but after a couple of weeks of rehearsing new material, the other guitarist started having problems with his ears/hearing. He would always be asking the drummer to play more quietly at practice (so much so, the drummer pulled me aside at one point and said: "I can't play any more quietly and still hold a groove!"), and he seemed to be experiencing periodic discomfort with his ears, and our rehearsals started getting shorter. One time, we had to cut it short because he was experiencing something akin to vertigo. Neither the drummer nor I knew what was going on with with him, and I don't think he did, either. I think what he was experiencing was a sensitivity to high frequencies that manifest with hearing damage over time. I can't recall the clinical name of the condition off the top of my head (I don't have it), but it often accompanies tinnitus (which I have now, but I didn't have then).

Of course, he eventually had to call it quits. He just couldn't do it anymore. And we rehearsed at his house, so that was that.

I've had plenty of other musical experiences that never even got to the first gig stage due to the "middle-age problems".

[glasshand]

You all make me feel very lucky. My current band has been together about four years: during that time we lost our bassist when he had to move away and our drummer decided to leave at the same time; we quickly found a new bassist and drummer who are great guys. Any drama I could mention seems really trivial compared to what others have mentioned. We have trouble working around people's vacation schedules due to their different jobs - that's about as serious as it gets.

[nomadh]

The age diff thing made me want to post this

[t100d]

Back in the mid -70’s in Seattle, I had the good luck to fall in with a bunch of musicians from San Francisco who were maybe 10 years younger than me.
At the time I had been playing a lot of jazz, funk, R’n’B, Brazilian music and so on–they were into Yes, ELP, Quicksilver Messenger Service, Chick Corea, and I learned a lot from them, really opened up my ears to odd time signatures and such…
Anyway, we had a singer who didn’t cut it, but we kept him on as a roadie and wannabe manager.

After a lot of rehearsal we were ready to go public, and he told us he had gotten us a really good-paying gig at a big frat house at the UW. We spent a good hour or more loading up all our equipment, and set off.
When we got to the street, we couldn’t find the house number, and nobody we asked knew where that frat was. Eventually a guy hauled out the directory of Fraternities and Sororities, and came to the conclusion that there was no such organization … we called the roadie/manager, who was conspicuously absent, and said “Get your ass down here right now!”
He showed up and started hemming and hah-ing, but finally admitted “Well, I knew you guys were getting depressed about having no gigs, so I invented one just to make you feel better …” !!!

After we had hauled the other guitar player off of him, we went back to the rehearsal space and made him unload the whole van by himself, and then fired him …

[tlarson58]

I'm doin' a quick scan of posts tonight trying to catch up. I've earmarked this post for a closer inspection later on. Lookin' forward to it.

[nomadh]

Well I currently had the option of the drummer with arthritis that cant play over 2 hours and only with lots of breaks but he also sings well and plays keys. Or the guy who wont communicate much. But... the other guitarist says hes been playing with a drummer he really likes and. Can he bring him. Turns out he sounds really good. We have a great groove together we know lots of the same stuff and like what each is doing. So naturally I'm going on vacation se we probably wont play again for 3 weeks. By then we should be 3 job changes, a missing limb and a stroke we need to deal with. But it was a fun 4 hours.

[toomanycats]

Here's how my band drama is setting itself up for the week ahead. I've got three gigs booked for Friday night. One of them is early, but the other two are in different cities and at the same time.

[Tonray's Ghost]

Here's how my band drama is setting itself up for the week ahead. I've got three gigs booked for Friday night. One of them is early, but the other two are in different cities and at the same time.

Can one of your cats sit in for you ?

[Chocol8]

Here's how my band drama is setting itself up for the week ahead. I've got three gigs booked for Friday night. One of them is early, but the other two are in different cities and at the same time.

You are a wizard now…scratch that, you are Wizard. That shouldn’t be a problem at all. One of the Harry Potter books/movies had the nerdy girl taking two classes at once using a special time piece. You could do the same thing to play two gigs at once!

[thepezident]

Uhhhh.....My lawyer will be contacting you regarding copy right infringement on this title.
Clearly a rip off of As The Knob Turns.....

[nomadh]

Uhhhh.....My lawyer will be contacting you regarding copy right infringement on this title.
Clearly a rip off of As The Knob Turns.....

Hmmm, maybe? A little. I tried a few and for some odd reason this one fit. Hmmmm.

[glasshand]

Well, it looks like I spoke too soon. We had a gig scheduled for the near future, something we all took part in - we were all there at the venue, looked at our calendars, and agreed on a date. I was really excited about this, because it was going to be our first gig in about 18 months, we really like the place, and it's the same place we had our last gig before the pandemic, which went really well.

Then about two weeks after the scheduling the lead singer says, "Oh, I scheduled some out-of-state travel, so we have to cancel the gig."

WTF? This is, to me, completely unacceptable behavior. He made a commitment to this date like we all did, and then he didn't even say, "Hey guys, something has come up and I'm in a bind and don't know what to do," he just went ahead and did it and then said, "Oh, sorry." This is not a case of "my mother is deathly ill and in the hospital", or "My job depends on doing this", or even "Oh shit, I forgot I had already scheduled something", it was a very conscious decision to screw us. Honestly I don't know if I can continue to be in a band with this guy. There was already some minor stuff about personality styles and keeping up the pace of new music development, which we could probably have worked out, but this is just incredibly selfish and really hurts the band.