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Just wondering if this is a thing.

A weekend warrior I know uses "My singer/My drummer" when referring to his bandmates, and pretty much talks about them that way. I was kind of put off by this, but wondering if that's normal in some places.

If the name of the band is the guys name then, maybe. Still a bit disrespectful IMO.

I've been referred to that way, didn't bother me, but I'm not a pro, strictly amateur. So what would not be disrespectful to you all: "the" singer, "our" singer, "the person singing"??

dabbler wrote: ↑Fri Sep 08, 2023 10:30 am So what would not be disrespectful to you all: "the" singer, "our" singer, "the person singing"??

I've usually heard "our" and simply the person's name with "___ our singer".

For clarification, the guy is the "lead" guitar player, his name is not on the band, and he's the *only* guitar player.

I tend to let stuff like that roll off, and liked to work with others who did too. The general idea there was to not take ourselves seriously, but take the music seriously. If it's about the people, the egos get to play bigger parts than otherwise. It should be fun.

To me it is just his way of referring to his band mates and their duties in the band. When I tell someone, "My band is playing at the bar tonight", I don't actually mean it is "my band". I just mean the band that is kind enough to let me be a member. By itself I would not be bothered but I get where you are coming from and I suspect this may not be the only reason you have for considering the guy a douche.

tonebender wrote: ↑Fri Sep 08, 2023 1:52 pm To me it is just his way of referring to his band mates and their duties in the band. By itself I would not be bothered but I get where you are coming from and I suspect this may not be the only reason you have for considering the guy a douche.

Well, to clarify--I don't personally consider him a douche. It just seemed odd to phrase the description of his band mates that way. It's good to get different perspectives!

Every band I have ever played in always split the take evenly. I know a guy that is always trying to get players together for a gig and he thinks they work for him and pays them less of a share than he gets. He is a douche. Not because of the pay so much but he is an awful musician and actually if anyone should get less, it's him.

As alluded to above...

This is Mick. He's our drummer.

That's how we do it.

In terms of the "MY drummer" thing, I thought Charlie Watts had the "right" take.

https://www.vulture.com/article/book-ex ... fight.html

Rollin Hand wrote: ↑Sun Sep 10, 2023 4:29 pm In terms of the "MY drummer" thing, I thought Charlie Watts had the "right" take.

https://www.vulture.com/article/book-ex ... fight.html

That's what immediately came to mind. But, as that article clearly demonstrates, there was a lot going on interpersonally in the band at the time.

I'd probably take things in context if it happened to me. Is the person good 80% of the time? That's about all the average person gets right any of the time anyhow. Let it slide.

Over the years and to this day I hear my wife tell friends and family, "Jeff's band is playing at such and such place" when trying to recruit attendance. It's not really "my" band. I would hate to get punched in the face over it. It's just the way she conveys the point and not meant literally.

I think it comes down to habits. I would refer to them as 'John, the singer in my band,' or '... the band I am in.'

My 'possessive' would not be the person, but the band. I liked the communal bands vs. those led by a dominant leader. 'Our band' vs. 'my band.'

I've been called 'My drummer'.....never really thought anything negative about it.

It’s caught my attention when used around me.

I say it’s partly ego and partly just simple communication. It’s up to the person hearing it to determine the ratio of ego:ease.

This is an interesting thread and topic. Very thought provoking and many angles to consider. Charlie could have just said, "Mick is my singer." Mick probably had a punch in the mouth coming and Charlie used that moment to get it done or perhaps he was really was offended.

I know this is off the path but this thread made me think about wanting to punch a band mate. I once had a married band mate with a girl on the side. She came to gigs, etc. and we were all forced to be in on the secret unwillingly. That was real douchery and I did not appreciate being in that position. He even said he was off with me once when he was with her and I did not know I was being used as an alibi. His wife called my wife to find out if I was with him, oops. Yes, it all came crashing down as it always does and yes the wife realized we all knew and did not tell her. As it turned out she was not innocent either so no stones were thrown.